This Cowboy's Hat

2006-05-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

The whole scene starting on page 286 right after Daddy Glen gets caught raping Bone by Anne got me thinking about something that I didn't really feel was relevant to our class discussions, but I did sit there and think about for quite a while. As soon as she was to run from Glen, Anne took virtually no time at all to almost forgive him for his actions. Now that is her own agenda (or problem in my opinion), but I started trying to relate that to my own personal experiences. The aspect which I started contemplating was was whether I could ever see myself forgiving someone regardless of how much I thought I loved them or not for doing something so horrible. I tried looking back on my past relationships and even friendships, and I can remember things that don't even rank in my mind as being 1% as horrible of an action that I did not forgive. Maybe that was me being pig headed, or stubborn, but there are certain things that I never really could excuse. I even started looking at relationships around me, such as my friends relationships and so on. I started thinking about why people leave each other, why break ups occur, and things come to mind like cheating, fighting (verbally) or not caring enough. It is apparent to me that Glen in the sickest way thinkable was cheating, even though he would probably not see it that way. He was indirectly fighting, or in confrontation with Bone, who is an extension of Anne. Lastly, he does not seem capable of actually caring for Anne or Bone, to me it seems like he is much more obsessed with controlling or overpowering them and none of those qualities are worthy of someone risking their own life, or the life of their own blood to stay with. I know that Raylene said that people have to make decisions when it comes to choosing loved ones and I can see what she said as being one way to look at things, but I really just don't think that there is anything in the world that someone could offer myself to make me keep that sort of danger in my life. I have been told that I run away from relationships whenever the slightest problem arises and in my case that may be a flaw, but I can say that by ridding my life of these ever so minor difficulties I have saved myself many headaches and much heartache, which is probably why in my own ignorance of what love truly is I cannot possibly fathom what Anne is thinking or sympathize with her and her actions.

2006-04-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks I have been pretty sick and I have tried to avoid talking as much as possible in class, but there was definitely two parts of the reading that we talked about concerning "Bastard Out of Carolina" that I figured I would write about on this since I didn't really get to speak about it. Not that it's really worth taking class time to talk about either, but here it goes.
We talked about how the author attempted to convey the family knowing their status and people outside of the family seeing them as a certain way. I think that the difference here in comparison to the other stories is that this story is told by a little child. A child who is not only new to many aspects of life, but just like any child, is somewhat innocent. She is not going to just come out and say we are "white trash" and people look at my family this way. I think it is just assumed by the reader that they know their place in society. The bigger thing I felt like touching on was that I was actually emotionally touched in this reading. I don't often get too attached or into readings for school. Mostly because I don't find them to deal with my own interests that much. If we were reading sports or music books that might make it a little different, but I found myself actually upset (I would actually throw out worse words, but this is a G rated blog). The scene where Bone is getting sexually assualted or raped if you will, got me very fired up. I actually read through the passage twice just to make sure I was reading it right. For some reason I am not too sure about, two things that absolutely bother me more than any other action a man can take towards a girl are rape and hitting. It actually gave me this instinct to want to fight or kill him on behalf of Bone. It's like she was my own family member for a moment while I read. I know I used to channel a lot of bed thoughts out onto the football field and when I read this part of the story, I actually felt like the only natural thing to do was to go out on the field and try to let out some of that built up rage. I know it sounds weird but I used to actually picture the guy across from me doing something bad to my sister, my mother, or my girlfriend at the time, and I guess that is what made me a little more successful in the football aspect of my life, but looking back on it now, I think that just like when I read this, it could very easily have been the simple thought of such bad things that turned a switch in me, and I guess what I am saying is that the raping passage in the parking lot, as horrible as it was, actually moved me (not neccesarily in a positive way) and brought to my attention something that I know is still a serious issue in society today and made me want to actually get out of my bed and do something.

2006-04-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

After reading James Dickey's poems and thinking about the things Dr. Wells posted on the class home blog, I found that a lot of his poems have similarities within them.
The most obvious theme to me is that of nature. I found this to be somewhat nice and refreshing because as I pictured this man writing these I first thought of a typical person from the 50's and 60's, but then for some reason, I pictured him being more of an early American guy who was still very much in touch with the outdoors and not so much the industrial society that was sprouting up at the time and has evolved into our present day mess that lacks so much of the little things everyone needs a little more of. I think everyone needs a little more "outdoorsness" (if that is a word) in them. I think it makes people, or myself anyway more calm and relaxed. He also writes of things such as the sun and water in a few of his poems which for me are indirect symbols of rebirth (in the sun coming up and going down) and thriving life (a flowing river) which contrasts with all of his writing of body parts falling asleep, actually sleeping, being dead and so on and so forth, which to me appeared a tad bit morbid. That in addition to him viewing someone in the afterlife combine to make me wonder a little about him. He seems to be a very blunt individual who is constantly flipping from happy go lucky, to sad and as I said before, a bit morbid. All of that aside, I still can say that since I am not a very big poetry guy, I did enjoy Dickey's writing mostly because of his attachments with the wilderness and the outdoors. He seemed to me like a "man's -man" and that is more than enough to grab my attention and it made for me to open my mind a little more than usual in order to read these poems.

2006-04-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that there has yet to be an author or a story that I was uninterested in or disliked, until now. I know many didn't really enjoy Faulkner or some of the other writings, but O'Connor's work was the one author that I felt as though I was actually drudging through just for the sake of getting the reading done. I agree with our discussion in class, that had I not been informed that O'Connor wrote most of her writings with religious purpose, I might not have even noticed it. This may be why it was hard for me to enjoy the reading. For example, in "Revelation" the way that Mrs. Turpin was constantly judging people, such as the girl being ugly and having acne, the fat lady, mentally questioning whether she'd rather be "white trash" or a "negro" all sort of threw up flags in my mind and made me wonder; "If this lady is supposed to be such a good and religious woman, how can she be so judgemental?" Now I know that O'Connor probably had good intentions when writing these pieces, but like I said, I do not find judging other creatures of God in such a negative fashion as being a "good Christian" (or whatever denomination she is). I did find it interesting that when she had those visions of the "other" people entering Heaven before "good" people it may have come as her sort of personal revelation and maybe that is why the story is titled the way it is. I also think that everytime everyday people are faced with certain situations or "reality checks" we are forced to look at ourselves and think of who we are or what we stand for, and that is something that perhaps she needed to do a little more of. Like I said, unfortunately this piece did not do much for me, and that is not saying that I am a superior Christian or that I am even close to a better one than the next, but I do know that one thing constantly went through my head and that was something I learned way back in my days of Sunday school and comes from the Bible itself; "Judge not lest ye be judged." And it is apparent that Mrs. Turpin (and not to bad mouth Flannery O'Connor, but possibly her as well) must have missed that week at church every year of her life.

2006-03-29T16:44:00.000-08:00

I must admit that even after seeing "On the Water Front" and loving the "Godfather" trilogy, it completely slipped my mind what kind of actor Marlon Brando truly was. We were told in class to think about how he depicted the character of Stanley from the play, and I must admit that of all the actors that I am familiar with from that time period, he without a doub is the ideal actor to play this role. The way he can be cocky, arrogant, kind, caring, funny, and (not in a homosexual way) sexually appealing. It is hard for me to say that I know of many actors from generations as early as this one, but it is plain to see that he is one of those actors that could have been just as successful now as he was then. Not to understate how successful he was nevertheless.
I also found it interesting the idea that we talked about the directors censoring the movie and leaving out the fact that the first husband of Blanche's was gay. This made me think of how difficult a time Williams must have had when he originally wrote the play. Because as I read somewhere else, Williams himself, was a homosexual and faced scrutiny during a time period in which this was not socially acceptable. It is a shame that he had to deal with this because I am sure that many people never gave his work a chance based almost solely on this facet of his life which really has not much to do with the actual work itself. Luckily over the past half century people have become more apt to overlook such personal characteristics of artists and been able to focus more so on their actual works.

2006-03-22T19:34:00.000-08:00

As we discussed in class, I found it very interesting how many different and detailed aspects there were to each character. I also believe that due to time constraints in class the point I found interesting did not receive enough attention. Within the stage directions on page 633 Williams compares Blanche to a moth. I found this to be a very interesting comparison, because Blanche is constantly trying to hide her old age throughout our first encounters with her. Much like how I envision a moth as being a strong white flying creature from a distance, once you get closer to it or even touch it you realize that it's texture is a dustlike one. This is similar to Blanche in that from far enough away or in the right light, she is a beautiful lady, whereas once you get close enough you can realize that she too is not so beautiful and youthful as she wishes to portray from a distance.
On a side note, I remember watching this movie with my father and brother who are both something resembling movie buffs, and I must admit that it was so long ago, and I never read the actual play that I cannot wait to see the movie again, only this time with a little more in depth understanding of what is actually going on.

2006-03-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in class one aspect of Hurston's that I noticed in our first section of reading was that contrary to how I personally ever perceived the black race during this time period, they did not differ that much from the stereotypical whites. I noticed this with "Jody" (Joe Starks). Jody starts out as an eager man with dreams and aspirations of making something of himself and being successful. Not that I am an expert of the female race, but I believe that he kind of uses this to his advantage when it comes to the courting of Janie. It is to my own understanding that (some) women find men attractive with some sense of ambition. So like I was saying, he used his own seemingly innocent character to attract Janie and as you know he eventually got what he wanted.
The twist of this that I find to be a bit comedic is that just like I have witnessed in so many situations, once he actually got the girl, he was content for a while. Then came the power which he let go to his head and while that was happening he kind of forgot about the things that were once important to him, namely Janie. It is an unfortunate thing that so many people even dating this far back in history, no matter what their race or culture, allow for a little power to corrupt their minds and lives. I know that I have already given thought to this sort of stuff in my own life, and as big as my own personal dreams are, and as confident in myself being successful as I am, I know that I will always remember how my parents and grandparents have dealt with successes (and failures for that matter) and I know that I have every intention of keeping an even keel through it all and hope to hold the set of morals and ethics that they have instilled in me through it all.

2006-02-21T18:53:00.000-08:00

After reading Delta Autumn, I can say that this is yet another attempt to portray a portion of the male psyche that Faulkner obviously has kept as a constant underlying theme throughout this book. The fears, feelings of threat, and questioning or even defiance that comes with change. A change in both the physical surroundings and/or the way of doing things (for example how they drove to the camp rather than rode, as well as how roads and communities were springing up in what was once mostly forrested areas) and also in the basic mentalities of man and mankind evolving from Isaac's youth to where they are currently in what is now the youth of Legate.
This theme reminded me of one of my favorite movies of all time, The Natural. There is a character named Bump Bailey (a superstar outfielder), who tries in numerous ways to defy Pops' (the manager of the baseball team) ways of coaching as well as the game itself, by doing things such as throwing games, and disregarding any respect for Pops and treating him as if he were "over the hill."
That same mentality can be seen in numerous occasions concerning most fathers and sons. It is the simple case of teenage rebellion. The father will tell the son one thing, and the son turns around and does the opposite just despite him. When the reality of the situation more times than not, is that as much as the teenager will hate to admit it (until possibly much later on in life) the father is merely looking out for his son. Often times the father has either experienced the situation or something similar enough that they in fact do believe it or not "know something about something". Although there were cases in my own life that emmulated this sort of situation, I found myself fortunate enough to have a good and close relationship with my father enough so that I took most of the things he said to mind and can assess most of my decisions based on his advice as being positive ones.
My favorite quote in this entire passage comes on page 329 when Isaac says to Legate "There are good men everywhere, at all times. Most men are. Some are just unlucky, because most men are a little better than their circumstances give them a chance to be. And I've known some that even the circumstances couldn't stop." As both a male (which is fairly irrelevant for this argument) and an athlete, this grabbed my attention more so than any quote in the entire book. I completely lost sight of anything going on in the story and reread it about four times and realized that it is a very true statement. The majority of people are good people in some way, shape or form. It is then their "circumstances", whether it be the opportunities to succeed on an athletic field, in a classroom, at a job, basically in any task within their capabilities that determine how far they can ultimately take their own successes. It is here where as much of a cliche it sounds like, the "great ones" shine. Those who can surpass those "circumstances", limits, "bumps in the road", anything you want to call it, that truly become a greater person. It is that kid who can come out of a small town where it is a struggle to man an entire team and go on to play at the collegiate level (or even higher in the cases of some of my friends). It may also be the person who starts out in a remedial education class at the elementary education level and goes on to become a doctor or a lawyer. Maybe someone faced with a disability such as having no leg and ends up winning a marathon or a swimming event, or having MS and goes on to not only wrestle for his high school varsity team, but ends up getting awarded by the National Wrestling Hall of Fame for his courage and determination. These are all just a few of the many acts that we have all witnessed, and like Isaac is getting at (in my opinion that is, I could be totally off-base with this), everyone has virtually the same opportunities before them in some way or another, everyone has their own set of "circumstances", but every once in a while there are those people who completely disregard those "circumstances" and create their own!

2006-02-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

Perhaps one of the most impressive impressions I got of Faulkner came while reading "The Bear". The extent of his discriptions is unbelievable, I could literally picture the woods they were in and related them to my own woods back home.
Now hunting is not only a hobby to some where I grew up, but more like something built in to each son's (and quite a few daughter's) repertoire of necessary participations. Every year, come opening day of any of the numerous hunting seasons, you are likely to see no more than four or five of the males in each class from the later elementary grades all the way through the high school. Grown men take off of work, small businesses shut down as though it were a national holiday and it is all for the same reasons. Men are out to take that vacation from life in an atmosphere that they can consider not of the ordinary beaches and hotels. They go out, mingle with other men, share stories, in some cases get drunk or just share some sipping alcohol, all while satisfying the "thrill of the hunt portion" of the brain (which I mentioned in my last blog).
As a quick note, I want to say that so far "The Bear" reminds me of a song played constantly on the radio back home called "Da Thirty Point Buck" by Da Yoopers. As you can tell it's about a ridiculously large buck that is virtually nothing more than a story to be told similar to that of the fisherman's "the one that got away" stories.
One aspect aside from the actual hunting and descriptions of the woods that I enjoyed was right in the beginning of the story, on page 184 where he writes "There was always a bottle present, so that it would seem to him that those fine fierce instants of heart and brain and courage and wiliness and speed were concentrated and distilled into that brown liquor which not women, not boys and children, but only hunters drank, drinking not of the blood they spilled but some condensation of the wild immortal spirit, drinking it moderately, humbly even, not with the pagan's base and baseless hope of acquiring thereby the virtues of cunning and strength and speed but in salute to them. Thus it seemed to him on this December morning not only natural but actually fitting that this should have begun with whisky." I can remember the first time I went out on a "hunting expedition" (which was for nothing bigger than squirrels, rabbits or maybe a bird). I was not with my own father, but rather my best friend and his father and we only ventured into the woods behind the horse farm. When I say ventured I mean, we went about 500 yards into the woods that stretched over 500 acres, but it seemed like we were really out in the middle of nowhere to a boy of 10 years old. While out there, I basically received a few of the life lessons one should get from their father from my best friend's father. I have to admit I believe later on in life I received better advice from my own father, but for the time being I learned a few things. Ranging from, the sex/female talk, to the responsibility of being a man and having a family, to school, to sports (which was the largest part of both of our lives), to just plain old acting like "a man". It was somewhere in that "manhood" talk, that my friends dad handed me a camouflaged canteen and told me to "just take a sip!" I took that sip, made the mistake of swishing it around in my mouth, swallowed and thought my throat was on fire. That was when I was introduced to whiskey, and the phrase "this stuff will put hair on your (male genitles)". Let me tell you something, for a kid of that age, they should never have to think twice about a desire for hair on their body! I had only a few more sips and remember just wanting to go home. When we got home, I remember my friend's father practically bragging to my mother how he helped make me a man that day, and once he explained to her, she practically made me a little baby the way she lectured me of the horrors of not only whiskey but alcohol. Either way, to this day, I look back and look around and see that, sure, whiskey is probably considered more of a man's drink, and hunting a man's act, but I'll tell you this much, both can only be taken in moderation or else you will easily turn into anything but all those (much more important) characteristics my friend's father told me were expected of a "real man"!

2006-02-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

Though my knowledge of Southern life during the mid 1800’s is lacking greatly, I can still relate to William Faulkner’s, “Was” basically because of the mere fact that I am a male. Being a guy who happened to have grown up working on a horse ranch in upstate New York I was immediately engaged in the horseback “race” that takes place at the beginning. Although that is only a small portion of the story itself, it was enough to make me both flow through the reading smoothly and in a childish way pretend my best friend and I were right there with them.
Back to the basic idea of this story being easily rationalized by males, mind you I say this with no bias towards women, but rather I imagine most women even notice these somewhat notorious characteristics or activities men, for some unknown reason adore so much. Whether it be:
- The thrill of the hunt; exemplified in their initial tracking of Tomey’s Turl.
- Desire for action through gambling; from the $500 prize placed on finding Tomey’s Turl to the games of stakes poker.
- Alcoholic bliss; which is not necessarily a big concept, but the fact that they do drink on more than one occasion in this short story sparked something worth noting in my opinion.
- Desire to be “free” of females; (I admit this does not apply to all) but there is the stereotype of males being less apt to have a desire to be in a relationship than women.
- Men would rather bother someone else than be bothered themselves; the idea that Uncle Buck and Buddy would have rather gone out and hunted Tomey’s Turl, as opposed to the Beauchamp’s returning him on their own time in an attempt to avoid having to play “host”.
- The willingness of men to befriend another in a similar light to that of a sibling; although Uncle Buck and Buddy, Isaac and McCaslin are of kin, their relationships are very different from that of their actual biological binds. There is a sense of brotherhood and parenting in both situations, as well as the case with Mr. Hubert being a brother of sorts to the Uncles in the way that they compete, yet respect each other.

I know that my perspective of the male species might be a bit skewed because of my own personal upbringing, but I think for the most part there is some sense of generality in most of these acquisitions.
I see Faulkner as having taken a group of characteristics found in most males and spreading them out over the course of the story to better surface each individual facet of male emotional make-up. Perhaps a possible way to visualize all of this and relate it to my own life, is to make the analogy to what I have witnessed while tending bar, and combine all of the characteristics I have noted into a fictitious bar scene. (Most) Men have at one point or another, an animalistic hunting-like desire they feel the need to fill when it comes to attracting a female. It is here, that so many look to the aid of alcohol in hopes of perhaps “opening themselves up”. From there they are ready to gamble. It is a risk they are taking to either initiate or uphold conversation with females (which should really not be all that hard since we all know that they got their cootie’s vaccine in the fifth grade). You win if you get the girl, you lose if she shoots you down and leaves you standing alone in that once too-crowded room. Then you take into account the chance that the male “wins his gamble”, he now “has” the girl that he tried for. Unfortunately it is more often than not that the male is ready to “live and let go” (for lack of better terminology) after actually "winning", hence the failure to have that desire for commitment. On the other hand, when he loses, the male often looks to a fellow male to befriend, request guidance, or lean on for support, much like what most look for in their own family. And that ladies and gentleman is how I have analyzed Faulkner’s “Was” to both the male emotional cluster and the present day “bar scene”.
I would like to take this final chance to apologize to any males (or females) that may have been embarrassed, angered, or in disagreement with me anywhere throughout this post.

2006-02-02T18:58:00.000-08:00

After reading the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, I reflected on quite a few things within that caught my attention. Of course there is the obvious views on slavery that his insight opened myself up to, there is the actions of the slaveholders, and a somewhat broad view of the overall lifestyle of that era. Of all the things I read one thing stood out above all the rest to me personally. While speaking of how the slaves were constantly asked by fellow slaveholders, spies (sent in by slaveholders) and other non-slaves what they thought of their owner, Douglass states "the frequency of this has had the effect to establish among the slaves the maxim, that a still tounge makes a wise head." I found this Ghandi-sort of passive resistance to be both brave and couragous. That experience reminded me of another Black man and his dealings with the white man, Jackie Robinson, upon entering Major League Baseball was forced to do a very similar thing, in not speaking out for himself or against (the white man). Although my example that is to follow is on a much smaller scale in comparison to that of the slaves, I can compare my own experience as a football player to that of the slaves facing their pains. Football alone is a contact sport as you know, what not everyone does know however is that there's many a time when a player can find themself at the bottom of a pile of guys ranging from 250lbs. to 330lbs.. It is in this pile where I was subjected to kicking, biting, eye guages, scratching, punches, genital shots and anything you can get away with under that canopy of men. Then WHAM! before you know it, that pile has cleared up and you are left there practically naked, with thousands of people looking right in your direction. It is here where one is faced with the option to retaliate, or let it be? You have so many thoughts running through your head and have to start making quick decisions. You see that opposing player who just illegally manhandled you while no one could see, and you have the referee (much like the slaveholder) waiting for you to step out of line so he can repremand or punish you. Fortunately for me, that was just a game, whereas in the case of the slaves, that game was their lives; and they had no say in the rules. In a completely unfair environment and situation, these people who were supposedly less- or non-educated, were much smarter in the aspect of life that in my own opinion is much more important than any education you will get out of any book, that is the "real (or people) knowledge" that is necessary not only during the slavery era, but today as well. In retrospect, after reading this piece, and thinking through these situations, I have come to the conclusion that all these passive resistors if you will, are much more intelligent than anyone ever gave them credit for. Kudos to those who carried with them the bravery and courage most of us can only dream of.

2006-01-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it is my own ignorance, but in contrast to the claim that Poe's work is monotonous, I must say that his poem "Introduction" was very fluid and easily understood by myself. In a weird way it is as though I can relate to the poem and maybe that is why I enjoyed it.
In relation to the first stanza, I am proud to say that I have been surrounded by love my entire life, and would like to think that with the amount of alone time I have spent; whether it be while working or just during my own "down-time", I have always kept myself entertained by constantly questioning things and observing things.
The second stanza reminds me of my very own maturation. As I got older, rather than just hearing those old country songs on the radio in the barn, I started to understand them and unfortunately began trying to mold my life into them. Everyone thinks they are about drinking, love and dying dogs, which with the exception of the dying dogs thing, relates to Anacreontic verse mentioned by Poe. I believe that what Poe is (very) indirectly saying is that perhaps people who may be more the observant or open minded type, can be very passionate about things that not all are. He does however mention the twists and turns that can be introduced when mixing those passions with alcohol. Whether it be love, basic ambitions, or whatever, those things may seem magnified and better during the times of innebriation, but in the end, as alcohol is a "downer" those "pleasures always (turn) to pain-". The line "..being young and dipt in folly, I fell in love with melancholy" reminds me as well of my not so long ago youth, where I took to a life more concerned with getting by and having as much fun as I could cram into each hour of each day.
The third stanza appears to be a reflection of what I hope does not lie ahead of me. Somehow this seems that most do go through this point in life unfortunately, where all that matters are their jobs, or things that seem important to them at that present time. And it sounds like a very regretful part of his life. Having "no time for idle cares" does not sound all that fun to me.
The fourth and fifth stanzas make me wonder about when I am retired and older. There will be no more chants or cheers from my athletic days, or happy-go-lucky days and events spent with my friends and family. All those dreams (the fires) will be turned into "what-ifs", or maybe even erased from my memory (fading away).
The final stanza seems to me like a warning sign. Granted, while reading it, it can be seen as just the ending to a story. The way he makes it sound as though there is just about nothing to do to avoid this cycle that everyone must go through called "life". That is where just like all those tacky quotes you hear about "live life to the fullest", "live for the moment", "do (this or that) while you still can" (and there are so many more) come to mind. I think that it is why the last stanza is probably my most favorite, it gives me the satisfaction to disagree. It will allow me from now on to try my hardest to break that mold and make time for those "idle cares" as long as I can.